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Westmorelandism Room

sambil mencomoti bakpao daging yang baru dibeli, matapun berkaca-kaca, sambil bergumam dalam hati, "i love him, God, i do love him."
menahan nangis. wondering, apa yang akan terjadi nanti antara saya dan dia.

as if i don't have, what should i call it, past.
as if he doesn't has it neither.
really, it's none of my business. it is his past.
i don't want to screw up his memory, eventhough for just take a little look out there.
i have my own too. and maybe it is none of his business too.
yeah, we have our own, each of us.
one side i just wanna know what was there on his past, but the other side, "hey Sam, come on, it's none of your business!"
i stared for a second and took a deep breath, whispered, "yeah, that's right." The next thing i did. i closed it, the folder of he and his past.
just it. and just it.
yeah i have one too on my dearest notebook.
i can't even delete it and see it on my recycle bin.
you know, maybe past is just past, but it gave me happiness at that time.
everything about me and my past at that time was so great.
so why i have to delete it and erase it from my folder or even from my own memory?
no, i can't. i still want to keep my past in my deepest head, deepest heart. no matter how it makes me hurt or no matter it made me hurt,
maybe he has the same though as me. maybe.
oh past, would be there forever, or would you be the future?

Hari ini, 17 februari 2011, perpustakaan kampus, di waktu satu jam sebelum kuliah berikutnya, akhirnya saya menulis lagi setelah sekian lama tidak ada niat untuk menulis. Kehidupan kampus dimulai lagi. Agak aneh dengan mata kuliah di semester 6 ini. Jadwalnya lebih tepatnya. Ada dua kelas yang hampir sama sekali tidak sekelas dengan anak desain grafis lainnya. Sudahlah, berusaha survive sendiri. jadi teringat pesan dosen di hari senin, "tidak ada asistensi berarti kamu harus bisa percaya pada dirimu sendiri, you have to stand with your own feet." Hell yeah that's true.

Semua berjalan seperti sama. tidak ada yang berubah, bosan malah. yang berubah hanya letak tempat tidur yang digeser karena sekarang saya menjadi penghuni tunggal kamar kontrakan, tidak dihitung dengan penghuni lainnya yang tak tampak, mungkin. Kerjaan lancar dan seharusnya saya mencari kerjaan lebih lagi, terpikir untuk melamar di Starbuck dan jadi barista, owh, that must be great, bisa minum Starbuck setiap hari sesuka hati.

Semester ini mungkin juga akan berlalu dengan cepat seperti semester sebelumnya. yang itu artinya sebentar lagi saya akan lulus, apalagi kalau ambil tugas akhir di semster depan dan magang di semester depannya lagi. Kadang saya takut, mau kerja apa nanti kalau lulus. emang ada yang mau mempekerjakan saya?? Ya, kita lihat saja nanti. Yang penting sekarang IP harus bagus, beasiswa, dan cari duit yang banyak. Ya itu yang penting.

Tidak langganan internet lagi dikarenakan program penghematan entah adalah sebuah keputusan yang bijak atau malah bodoh, tapi saya pikir saya masi punya bb untuk browsing dan SMS masih menyediakan WiFi bagi yang membeli sesuatu disana. Ya kita lihat saja apa saya bisa bertahan tanpa internet di laptop.

Pacaran? baik-baik saja, mengalir seperti biasa, dan seperti biasanya juga, tidak pernah ada pertengkaran. entah itu baik atau tidak. Lihat saja nanti.

Dan sekarang semuanya menjadi lihat saja nanti bukan? Hem, menyebalkan tapi bisa apalagi. Itu masalah waktu, dan disisi lain itu juga masalah dari saya. Tapi saya mau menyalahkan waktu saja. Biar.

Well, sedikit curhat di jam setengah 11 siang, menunggu kelas Experimental Art tanpa teman seperjuangan desain grafis. Menunggu jam 2 siang nanti untuk pulang, dan jam 3 sore nanti untuk seminar beasiswa Kompas. Well, kita lihat apa saya bisa dapat beasiswa lagi. God knows. I don't know. I just can make a wish. "Oh God, You know what i need."

Terkadang saya bingung kenapa saya bisa nangis termehek-mehek kalau putus? sumpah, rasanya waktu itu sakit sekali. saya bingung, dan saya tertawa sekarang kalau mengingatnya. Teringat seseorang di masa lalu? Ini ada lagu yang pas sembari mengingat seseorang di masa lalu kalian, mungkin.


All We'd Ever Need - Lady Antebellum

Boy it's been all this time And I can't get you off my mind And nobody knows it but me
I stare at your photograph Still sleep in the shirt you left And nobody knows it but me
Everyday I wipe my tears away So many nights I've prayed for you to say...

I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Then maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need...

My friends think I'm moving on But the truth is I'm not that strong And nobody knows it but me
I've kept all the words you've said In a box underneath my bed And nobody knows it but me
But if you're happy I'll get through somehow But the truth is I've been screaming out...

I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Then maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need
It was all we'd ever need...

Ohh I thought it was all we'd ever need I should've been chasing you You should've been trying to prove That you were all that mattered to me Ohh You should've said all the things That I kept inside of me And maybe you could've made me believe That what we had girl Ohh that what we had What we had It was all we'd ever need It was all we'd ever need...


Sok atuh Coba didownload lagunya. Selamat bergalau kawan. :)

Oh hey you my past... Big smile for you :D

"If you don't like how things are going, then change them. If you can't change them, change the way you think about them."